HOW TO BUILD A 3-D MARRIAGE.

SERIES: GIVE YOUR BEST TO THE MASTER

TEXT: MALACHI 2:10-16.

Malachi 2:10-16, outlines three dimensions of marriage; physical, emotional and spiritual. Learn the three “Ds” to help develop a healthy marriage for today’s world. God has a lot to say about marriage in His world. Today let us look at Malachi 2:10-16.

In this passage of the scripture we find a series of “complaints” God brings against sinful human behavior. God addressed marriage and His words ring true today.

Good marriages don’t happen accidentally. Just because you have a christian marriage certificate does not insure a good marriage. Good marriage is hard work, marriage is full-time job. Jane and I have been married for 47 years, still we are not experts and our marriage needs more work than when we first got married. There is no expert in marriage as marriage keeps changing as the spouses go through the different seasons of life. If you want to build a better marriage, here are three things you can do. They all start with a “D” so I call it a 3-D marriage:-

DIALOGUE DAILY.

• It is very important for you and your spouse to spend quality time talking, listening and getting to understand each other every day.
• Good communication is the mark of a healthy marriage.
• A breakdown in communication will cause problems in any marriage.
• Communication is the process through which people talk, listen and understand each other through verbal and non-verbal means.
• The three components of communication are talking, listening and understanding.
• The main key to successful relationships is communication.
• There are 5 (five) principles of having a satisfying marriage.

1. Communication

• Only 10% is communicated by words. 25% is communicated by our tone of voice. 65% is communicated through our facial and body expressions (non-verbal).
• Communication is not an event but a process.

• What you intend to say.
• What you actually say.
• What other person hears.
• What the other person thinks they heard.
• What the other person intends to say in response.
• What the other person actually says in response.
• What you think you heard.
• What you actually heard.

• Always think before you speak-Eph. 2:29; James 3.
• Once a word has been said it is difficult to retract it.
• Make sure you choose your words carefully, criticism, demands, sarcasm, putdowns, jokes about the other person or rejection don’t accomplish a thing, but pain for the other person.
• Choose an appropriate time and place to discuss important issues. Bed time, dinner time, early morning and late night are not the best times to communicate.
• Women have more words to speak than men, men=8,500 words per day. Women have 16,500 words per day on the average universally.

1. Consideration-Respect.

• Consideration means common courtesy and respect for one another. Women need love, honor and security, men need respect, praise and worship!!
• Words like “please, thank you, I am sorry, forgive me, I love you” should characterize a good marriage-1st Peter 3:7; 1st Cor. 13:4-7; Eph. 4:2.

1. Compromise.

• Marriage is not a 50/50, “do your part I will do mine,” “halfway” will guarantee frustration and disappointment, rather marriage is 100%, even when your spouse does not do 100%.
• Remember marriage is a partnership of two selfish people-Jer. 17:9; Rom. 7:14-25.
• Jesus calls us to give 100% all the time-1st Cor. 13:5; Phil. 2:3-4.

1. Commitment.

• Marriage is a covenant relationship with your spouse and with God-Malachi 2:14; Matt. 19:6.
• Commit yourself to life-long relationship through thick and thin; for better for worse until death or rapture!!

1. Christ.

• Each must have a vital relationship with Jesus Christ.
• Put Jesus Christ at the center of your marriage-Eccl. 4:9-12.
• As we draw near and closer to Jesus as individuals, the closer we will be to one another.
• Be creative in your conversation topics. There are five levels of communication in marriage which develop according to closeness and oneness.

1. Cliché-non-communication, silence.
2. Facts-sharing of facts only. How are you? “fine!” sharing what you know only.
3. Opinion-sharing what you think.
4. Emotional-sharing what you feel. (Men think-women feel they are deeper).
5. Transparency-sharing who you are. The highest form of communication is nakedness.

• What level of communication is your marriage currently?

DATE REGULARLY.

• When you met your spouse you probably went on “dates” unless your marriage was a “Funga twende!!”
• Perhaps you went to the cinemas, movies or parks-Prov. 5:18-19.

1. Schedule it-don’t give your mate your left-overs.

• “Date” is a day and time on your schedule where you have both agreed to get together for some personal time.
• A once per week “date” is good policy. You don’t have to have a lot of money to date. You can even pack something to eat out, only both of you.

1. Go away together-Never take the kids!! They are spoilers.

• “Empty nest” situation needs more dating than any other time.
• The first institution God created was marriage. It was before children, it was before nations, it was before church.
• The marriage relationship is the most important relationship on earth not kids, parents or church, friends and work mates.
• It doesn’t matter how long you have been married, keep dating.

DEVOTED CONTINUALLY.

• If you want to have a better marriage you both must be devoted continually to each other.
• Marriage is a life term relationship, until death.
• It is a permanent relationship. God hates divorce. Divorce is never God’s will, never say in your life “My divorce was God’s will.”
• Divorce is tragic, painful, heart breaking, stomach wrenching, dreadful-It is never God’s will. Malachi 2:16, “I hate divorce” says God.
• Marriage is sacred covenant-A covenant between a man and a woman. God is a witness to the covenant of marriage.
• Jesus Christ hates divorce-Mark 10:9.
• If you are continually going to devote continually you must do two things:

1. Keep your promise to your mate (don’t break faith).

• When you got married you made a promise (vow). “I take you, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part” whatever happens.

1. Old love is the best love.

• There is young love, middle love and old love-Ruth 1:16-17.
• “May the Lord deal with me severely if anything but death separates you and me.”
• This is the kind of commitment that gets heaven’s attention.

CONCLUSION

• Because you have a body, there is a physical dimension to your marriage-(Affection and sex).
• Because you have a soul, there is an emotional dimension to your marriage-(Talking, listening and sharing).
• Because you have a spirit, there is a spiritual dimension that cannot be ignored-(crown Jesus as Lord of your marriage).
• If you have not designated a place and time for talking, listening, understanding everyday-do it today.
• Guys, please plan some special dates for your wife.
• Remove the word, “Divorce” or any threats of running away from your mouth and your heart.
• Pray together on regular basis, live with your wife and children.