English Service by Rev, DR. Willy Mutiso

SEVEN PRINCIPLES OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE LOVERS

SERIES: GALATIANS-BE FREE.

TEXT: GALATIANS 4:12-20.

 

Our message today illustrates the seven principles or habits of highly effective lovers through the

relationship Paul had with the Galatian churches. If we really want to be great and effective 

lovers we must demonstrate grace in all relationships. Principles are timeless truths. They apply to all people, all the time, everywhere. If you will apply these principles to your relationships they will work for you. These principles apply to all relationships including our friends, our marriages, our adult children, church members and co-workers.

ADJUST YOURSELF TO THOSE YOU LOVE-Gal. 4:12.

“I plead with you, brothers, become like me, for I became like you, you have done me no wrong.”

  • Paul was telling the Galatians “we have a good relationship, so be free like me, for I became like you.”
  • When Paul a Jew came to Galatia, he did not expect the gentiles there to conform to his Jewish ways in order for them to be in relationship with him.
  • Paul conformed himself to their ways, he adopted himself to them.
  • He changed himself without demanding that they change in order for them to become friends-1st Cor. 9:19-22.
  • Paul adjusted himself to the people he was trying to reach, and that’s what we must do if we want to become highly effective lovers.
  • We must adjust ourselves, we must adopt ourselves, we must change ourselves for others without demanding that they change for us.
  • True love adjusts to each other. If you want your relationships to improve then adjust yourself to those you love, don’t demand that they adjust themselves to you.
  • Failure to adjust brings isolation and isolation leads to deterioration of relationships.

ACCEPT OTHERS AS THEY ARE, RECEIVE THEM, WELCOME THEM EVEN WITH THEIR IMPERFECTIONS-Gal. 4:13-14.

  • That is how the Galatian believers received Paul.
  • When Paul came to Galatia, many Bible scholars believe he had malaria. He has just come from Perga, a town near the Southern coast of what is today Turkey.
  • Perga was a lowland swampy area, a good breeding area for malaria infected mosquitos.
  • Malaria is a terrible disease and in those days there was no malaria medicine.
  • The periodic bouts with chills, fever and nausea every 48 hours.
  • Malaria left Paul weak and wasted. This was the kind of missionary preacher the Galatians received.
  • Paul was so sick, weak and wasted that John Mark who was travelling with Paul left him-Acts 13:13.
  • John Mark saw that Paul was dying, scared he ran away from the mission field!!
  • When Paul left the swampy, Perga to the mountains, the people of Galatia received him as an angel of God.
  • They did not treat Paul as a burden-Vs. 14.
  • They opened their homes to him, they listened attentively to his message, they accepted him as he was without conditions even though he was deathly sick.
  • This is what we must do if we want to be highly effective lovers.
  • We must accept people just as they are unconditionally, even their imperfections.
  • Rejection is the worst thing that can happen to a human being-rejection leads to living death.
  • Does your spouse know that your kiss still works, even though years “have disfigured” you in some ways?
  • Do your kids know that you still love them, even though they disappoint you at times?
  • Do your friends know that you will never leave them, even though they do some stupid things to you?
  • God loves us unconditionally. This kind of love sets us free. God is not manipulative in His love.
  • To be effective lovers, we must adjust ourselves to those we love, we must accept those we love unconditionally.

WE MUST SACRIFICE OURSELVES FOR THOSE WE LOVE-Gal. 4:15.

    • We must give up what is most precious to us. We must surrender all or part of ourselves for the sake of the one we love.
    • That is what the Galatians were willing to do for Paul.
  • Malaria often affects eyesight. In Paul’s case, he couldn’t see well. “I can testify that if you could have done so, you would have torn out your eyes and given them to me.”
  • In Galatians 6:11, it is indicated that Paul had eye problem. He wrote with large letters because he could not see well.
  • The Galatians were willing to sacrifice for Paul and that is what we ought to do for those we love.
  • Relationships are enriched when lovers make sacrifices for each other.
  • Relationships are enriched when lovers give up something special for the one they love.
  • That is how Jesus Christ treated us, even while we were still sinners He gave up heaven for us, He left His glory, dignity, His life so that we could be in a relationship with Him-Phil. 2:5-11.
  • If we want to be highly effective lovers, then we must-
  1. Adjust ourselves to those we love.
  2. Accept those we love unconditionally.
  3. Sacrifice ourselves for those we love.

WE MUST SPEAK THE TRUTH, BE HONEST AND LOVINGLY SHARE THE FACTS EVEN IF IT HURTS-Gal. 4:16.

    • This is exactly what Paul did for the believers in Galatia.
    • Paul says the Galatians going in the wrong direction which will ruin their lives.
    • In love, Paul warns them and shows them the right path.
    • The Galatians did not like what Paul was telling them, but Paul said it anyway because he loved them.
    • That is what we must do to be highly effective lovers.
    • We must be willing to speak the truth in love, even if it hurts.
    • Love does not let friends hurt themselves, true love is not blind.
  • Proverbs 27:6, “The wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.”
  • Watch out when people flatter you!! but a true friend will always tell you the truth even if it wounds you.
  1. We must adjust ourselves to those we love.
  2. We must accept those we love unconditionally.
  3. We must sacrifice ourselves for those we love.
  4. We must speak the truth even if it hurts.

WE MUST SET PEOPLE FREE-Gal. 4:17.

  • True love sets people free. It is not controlling or manipulative.
  • Free those you love, allow them to make up their decisions, we must let them go!!
  • These false teachers wanted to alienate the new believers, they wanted to control the Galatians for their own good.
  • They wanted to create a relationship of dependency and bondage only to them, not so with Paul.
  • Paul set people free in his relationships. He did not try to control them or make them dependent in him.
  • If we want to be highly effective lovers, we must set people free in our relationships.
  • Grace means, I will not force or manipulate or judge or attempt to control you nor should you.

WE MUST SUFFER WHEN THE ONE LOVED SUFFERS-Gal. 4:9.

    • We must hurt when they hurt, ache when they ache, cry when they cry.
    • That is how Paul felt about the believers in Galatia. False teachers were leading them astray into a life of bondage. 
  • Paul says “I feel as if I am giving birth again.”
  • If we want to be highly effective lovers, we must feel with them that we love.

SPEND TIME WITH THOSE WE LOVE. BE THERE, BE PRESENT-Gal. 4:20.

  • Paul wanted to be with the Galatians. He calls them “Dear children” in the faith.
  • We cannot love people from a distance because true love is spelled (TIME) Time Spend Together alone.
  • We always spend time with those we love.
  • If you want to know who your lover is, see the people you spend your time with.
  • We must demonstrate Grace in all our relationships.
  • We must love freely and without conditions.

CONCLUSION

If you want to be a highly effective lover-

  1. Adjust yourself to those you love.
  2. Accept those you love unconditionally.
  3. Sacrifice yourself for those you love.
  4. Set those you love free.
  5. Speak the truth in love to those you love.
  6. Suffer when those you love suffer.
  7. Spend time with those you love.
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Rev, DR. Willy Mutiso

Rev, Dr. Willy Mutiso is the Senior Pastor at First Baptist Athiriver. He is widely known for his practical and dynamic teaching style which helps people apply the timeless truths of Scripture to their everyday lives.

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